Kirby's Insane Journey to Learn How to Wall Jump!

[ClaudeLv250]

I probably should have reposted this long ago after the hacker attack, but here it is for anyone that hasn't read it yet or wants to re-read it. The main reason I'm reposting this is because of the fanfiction.net incident where my story was deleted, as I've said on the community board. So far, this is the only certain home for the first 3 stories in the KIJ series.

As for the story itself...my lord, I am embarrassed by this bad writing. It WAS the very first piece of fanfiction I ever wrote without realizing it, and stupid me wants to keep it in it's pure format...I plan on doing a remake sometime in the future that will hopefully make up for the bad writing skills I possessed at the time. I guess I know who my most loyal fans are, who have been with me and the story since it first debuted on the IGN boards. But enough talk! On with the story!


Kirby's Insane Journey to Learn How to Wall Jump!
By ClaudeLv250

Chapter 1: Nothing to do with Wall Jumping

Kirby has just found out that wall jumps are being incorporated into SSB:M. He's afraid he isn't one of those "fast" characters who are given the wall jump talent. He wants to learn it before SSB:M is released, and thinks he will get his arse kicked if he doesn't learn it by then. He goes to find Peach dressed in absolutely nothing. Bowser's desire for Peach is at an uncontrollable level. He grasps the naked Peach, disappears into his shell with her clutch in his hands, and puts a "Do not Disturb" sign on the front of his shell. Peach screams in horror. The shell begins to rock back and forth wildly, while Peach screams. Kirby wonders what the hell does this have to do with wall jumping.

Well....

Inside of the shell, a horny Bowser and a Naked Peach are running around. Peach is actually wall jumping off of the sides of the inside of Bowser's shell while trying to get away from the horn dog. Of course, as perverted as Bowser is, watching a naked Peach jump off of walls filled his head with all kinds...of...um...creative ideas Kirby doesn't see a thing, since he is on the outside of the shell and therefore is still wondering what the hell does this have to do with wall jumping.

Kirby is still giving a blank stare at Browsers shell, which was once rocking, now rolling around. Peach was screaming, but her voice is now muffled out. Captain Falcon walks over and puts his arm around Kirby (wait, Kirby is too small for C.F's arm). CORRECTION: Captain Falcon puts his hand on Kirby's head and pats him like a dog.

Kirby: Stop that!

C.Falcon: I couldn't help but notice that you were staring at the rolling shell-

Kirby: It's flipping and doing summersaults now...

C.Falcon: Well kid, it's a thing called love. When two people fall in love, and want to express it-

Kirby: I know that!

C.Falcon: Then why are you giving it a blank stare?

Kirby: Because I am trying to figure out what the hell this has to do with wall jumping. You wouldn't happen to know what the hell this has to do with wall jumping, do you?

C.Falcon: No...

Kirby: HEY! I know you are one of the talented ones given the ability to wall jump! Teach me!

C.Falcon: Um...No

Kirby: Why not!?

C.Falcon: Because I have a race to participate in!

*Captain Falcon hops into his vehicle, and speeds off. 10 seconds later, a loud crash is heard, and a building falls over. Captain Falcon better have good insurance! Kirby thinks to himself "I wonder if Fox can teach me how to wall jump, but I don't know where he is.". Kirby walks over to Bowser's shell, which is now doing a 360.*

Kirby: Hellooooo!!!!

Bowser: WHAT?!

Kirby: Do you know where Fox is?

Bowser: Yeah, he's-

*Peach sees Kirby from the small crack of light coming from one end of Bowser's shell and reaches for him, trying to signify that she needs help. Bowser quickly slaps her hand before she can reach Kirby.*

Bowser: He's in the Cornerian pub. Now get out of here! I'm busy.

*Kirby rides his Star to Corneria, looking for the Cornerian Pub. He spots it and begins to land there...*


Chapter 2: The Bastardized Fox

Kirby lands in front of the Cornerian Pub, and enters. Many tough looking human-like animals infest the pub. The smell of alcohol makes Kirby cringe, as he does not approve of it. Kirby spots Fox sitting at a counter. He's gulping down a whole can of beer. Kirby runs over and hops on a stool beside Fox*

Kirby: Fox! I didn't know you drank Alcohol!

Fox: What do you want, punk?

Kirby: Not Punk, Kirby! Remember me from the Super Smash Brothers Tournament?

Fox: ...

Kirby: You know, small, pink, round-

Fox: and cheap

Kirby: well, ummm...

Fox: I remember you.

Kirby: Good, now I can get to the point-

Fox: Fawk-off!

Kirby: W-what!?

Fox: Fawk-off now!

Kirby: but, but

Fox: Do you want me to kick your arse?

Kirby: No, I want you to teach me the Wall jump technique. Please?

Fox: Come by my house at 9pm. I might tech you it then.

Kirby: OK!

*Kirby runs out of the pub and roams Corneria for the remaining hours. He shows up at Fox's house 9pm, sharp. He knocks on the door. Fox opens the door, dress in a T-shirt and Boxers.*

Fox: What are you doing here, punk?

Kirby: You said come to your house at 9pm. And it's Kirby, not Punk, remember?

Fox: err...ummm...

????: Fox! Hurry up!

*Kirby, almost feeling guilty for coming over Fox's house demanding that Fox teaches him the wall jump while he has company, peaks around Fox and sees a half naked Female Fox lying in the bed.*

Female Fox: Fox! You said you that you were only going to be gone for a minute!

Kirby: Ummm...Fox, I didn't know you had a girlfriend...I'll come back late-

Female Fox: FOX!

Fox: Hush, wench!

Kirby: What's a wench?

Fox: You said girlfriend?

Kirby: Well, isn't she your girlfriend?

Fox: I just met her 45 minutes ago.

Kirby: WHAT?!

Female Fox: FOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXX!!!!

Fox: Shut the hell up, wench! I'll teach you this wall jump, so the wench can shut up. Meet me on the roof.

*On the roof.*

Fox: Wall jumps are quick moves. You have to react fast if you want to wall jump. See that building over there?

Kirby: Yes...

Fox: You will have to wall jump on that.

Kirby: But ho-

*Before Kirby can finish his sentence; Fox kicks him towards the building. Kirby's first reaction is to suck in are and fly out of the way. Kirby flaps his little arms but he is heading towards to building too fast. He smashes straight into it and lands in an ally. Fox smirks, turns around, and jumps back into his window. Kirby knows that it was a trick to get rid of him now. He wants to get back at Fox. Just then, a stray and hungry dog spots Kirby. It thinks Kirby is a giant Marshmallow for it to eat, and chases Kirby at least a mile. Kirby stomach begins to growl, and he realizes he should be chasing the dog. He turns around. The dog pounces and Kirby opens his mouth wide. The dog lands straight in Kirby's mouth, and Kirby swallows it whole. Kirby returns to Fox's house and bangs on the door wildly.*

Kirby: Fox! Teach me how to wall jump! If you don't, I'll tell General Pepper that you drink! Teach me now!

*Kirby, feeling proud of himself, since he knows Fox doesn't want that secret to get out, waits for Fox to come and teach him the real Wall Jump. There's no answer. Kirby hears a "click". He runs over to the window and peeks in. Fox just pulled out a shotgun and is loading it. Kirby knows who that's going to be aimed at, and runs. Fox kicks his door open and starts shooting at poor Kirby while he's running down the street.*