Kirby's Insane Journey to Learn How to Wall Jump!

[ClaudeLv250]

I probably should have reposted this long ago after the hacker attack, but here it is for anyone that hasn't read it yet or wants to re-read it. The main reason I'm reposting this is because of the fanfiction.net incident where my story was deleted, as I've said on the community board. So far, this is the only certain home for the first 3 stories in the KIJ series.

As for the story itself...my lord, I am embarrassed by this bad writing. It WAS the very first piece of fanfiction I ever wrote without realizing it, and stupid me wants to keep it in it's pure format...I plan on doing a remake sometime in the future that will hopefully make up for the bad writing skills I possessed at the time. I guess I know who my most loyal fans are, who have been with me and the story since it first debuted on the IGN boards. But enough talk! On with the story!


Kirby's Insane Journey to Learn How to Wall Jump!
By ClaudeLv250

Chapter 1: Nothing to do with Wall Jumping

Kirby has just found out that wall jumps are being incorporated into SSB:M. He's afraid he isn't one of those "fast" characters who are given the wall jump talent. He wants to learn it before SSB:M is released, and thinks he will get his arse kicked if he doesn't learn it by then. He goes to find Peach dressed in absolutely nothing. Bowser's desire for Peach is at an uncontrollable level. He grasps the naked Peach, disappears into his shell with her clutch in his hands, and puts a "Do not Disturb" sign on the front of his shell. Peach screams in horror. The shell begins to rock back and forth wildly, while Peach screams. Kirby wonders what the hell does this have to do with wall jumping.

Well....

Inside of the shell, a horny Bowser and a Naked Peach are running around. Peach is actually wall jumping off of the sides of the inside of Bowser's shell while trying to get away from the horn dog. Of course, as perverted as Bowser is, watching a naked Peach jump off of walls filled his head with all kinds...of...um...creative ideas Kirby doesn't see a thing, since he is on the outside of the shell and therefore is still wondering what the hell does this have to do with wall jumping.

Kirby is still giving a blank stare at Browsers shell, which was once rocking, now rolling around. Peach was screaming, but her voice is now muffled out. Captain Falcon walks over and puts his arm around Kirby (wait, Kirby is too small for C.F's arm). CORRECTION: Captain Falcon puts his hand on Kirby's head and pats him like a dog.

Kirby: Stop that!

C.Falcon: I couldn't help but notice that you were staring at the rolling shell-

Kirby: It's flipping and doing summersaults now...

C.Falcon: Well kid, it's a thing called love. When two people fall in love, and want to express it-

Kirby: I know that!

C.Falcon: Then why are you giving it a blank stare?

Kirby: Because I am trying to figure out what the hell this has to do with wall jumping. You wouldn't happen to know what the hell this has to do with wall jumping, do you?

C.Falcon: No...

Kirby: HEY! I know you are one of the talented ones given the ability to wall jump! Teach me!

C.Falcon: Um...No

Kirby: Why not!?

C.Falcon: Because I have a race to participate in!

*Captain Falcon hops into his vehicle, and speeds off. 10 seconds later, a loud crash is heard, and a building falls over. Captain Falcon better have good insurance! Kirby thinks to himself "I wonder if Fox can teach me how to wall jump, but I don't know where he is.". Kirby walks over to Bowser's shell, which is now doing a 360.*

Kirby: Hellooooo!!!!

Bowser: WHAT?!

Kirby: Do you know where Fox is?

Bowser: Yeah, he's-

*Peach sees Kirby from the small crack of light coming from one end of Bowser's shell and reaches for him, trying to signify that she needs help. Bowser quickly slaps her hand before she can reach Kirby.*

Bowser: He's in the Cornerian pub. Now get out of here! I'm busy.

*Kirby rides his Star to Corneria, looking for the Cornerian Pub. He spots it and begins to land there...*


Chapter 2: The Bastardized Fox

Kirby lands in front of the Cornerian Pub, and enters. Many tough looking human-like animals infest the pub. The smell of alcohol makes Kirby cringe, as he does not approve of it. Kirby spots Fox sitting at a counter. He's gulping down a whole can of beer. Kirby runs over and hops on a stool beside Fox*

Kirby: Fox! I didn't know you drank Alcohol!

Fox: What do you want, punk?

Kirby: Not Punk, Kirby! Remember me from the Super Smash Brothers Tournament?

Fox: ...

Kirby: You know, small, pink, round-

Fox: and cheap

Kirby: well, ummm...

Fox: I remember you.

Kirby: Good, now I can get to the point-

Fox: Fawk-off!

Kirby: W-what!?

Fox: Fawk-off now!

Kirby: but, but

Fox: Do you want me to kick your arse?

Kirby: No, I want you to teach me the Wall jump technique. Please?

Fox: Come by my house at 9pm. I might tech you it then.

Kirby: OK!

*Kirby runs out of the pub and roams Corneria for the remaining hours. He shows up at Fox's house 9pm, sharp. He knocks on the door. Fox opens the door, dress in a T-shirt and Boxers.*

Fox: What are you doing here, punk?

Kirby: You said come to your house at 9pm. And it's Kirby, not Punk, remember?

Fox: err...ummm...

????: Fox! Hurry up!

*Kirby, almost feeling guilty for coming over Fox's house demanding that Fox teaches him the wall jump while he has company, peaks around Fox and sees a half naked Female Fox lying in the bed.*

Female Fox: Fox! You said you that you were only going to be gone for a minute!

Kirby: Ummm...Fox, I didn't know you had a girlfriend...I'll come back late-

Female Fox: FOX!

Fox: Hush, wench!

Kirby: What's a wench?

Fox: You said girlfriend?

Kirby: Well, isn't she your girlfriend?

Fox: I just met her 45 minutes ago.

Kirby: WHAT?!

Female Fox: FOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXX!!!!

Fox: Shut the hell up, wench! I'll teach you this wall jump, so the wench can shut up. Meet me on the roof.

*On the roof.*

Fox: Wall jumps are quick moves. You have to react fast if you want to wall jump. See that building over there?

Kirby: Yes...

Fox: You will have to wall jump on that.

Kirby: But ho-

*Before Kirby can finish his sentence; Fox kicks him towards the building. Kirby's first reaction is to suck in are and fly out of the way. Kirby flaps his little arms but he is heading towards to building too fast. He smashes straight into it and lands in an ally. Fox smirks, turns around, and jumps back into his window. Kirby knows that it was a trick to get rid of him now. He wants to get back at Fox. Just then, a stray and hungry dog spots Kirby. It thinks Kirby is a giant Marshmallow for it to eat, and chases Kirby at least a mile. Kirby stomach begins to growl, and he realizes he should be chasing the dog. He turns around. The dog pounces and Kirby opens his mouth wide. The dog lands straight in Kirby's mouth, and Kirby swallows it whole. Kirby returns to Fox's house and bangs on the door wildly.*

Kirby: Fox! Teach me how to wall jump! If you don't, I'll tell General Pepper that you drink! Teach me now!

*Kirby, feeling proud of himself, since he knows Fox doesn't want that secret to get out, waits for Fox to come and teach him the real Wall Jump. There's no answer. Kirby hears a "click". He runs over to the window and peeks in. Fox just pulled out a shotgun and is loading it. Kirby knows who that's going to be aimed at, and runs. Fox kicks his door open and starts shooting at poor Kirby while he's running down the street.*

[ClaudeLv250]

Chapter 3: Hell in Hyrule

*Kirby, now out of Fox's range, wonders who he should look for next. Link pops up in his mind, and he gets on his star and rides it to Hyrule. Kirby spots Link in Hyrule Castle's courtyard, practicing his skills with the Bow and Arrow, one of his new moves in SSB:M. Kirby lands by Link...*

Kirby: Hey Link!

Link: ...

Kirby: Hellooo?

Link: ...

Kirby: What's wrong with you?

Link: ...

*Zelda walks into the courtyard and greets Kirby.*

Zelda: Hello, Kirby.

Kirby: Hi Zelda! What's wrong with Link? He won't speak to me.

Zelda: Link doesn't talk remember?

Kirby: Ah, um, ahem...

*Kirby blushes a deep red, because he forgot that Link doesn't talk. A big sweat drop falls down the side of his body (I would say head, but Kirby IS a head of some sorts.).*

Kirby: Well, I wanted him to teach me how to wall jump.

Zelda: I'm not even sure he knows how to wall jump himself. Go ask him.

*Kirby walks over and taps Link on his knee. Link's concentration is totally screwed and an Arrow flies threw an open window. Someone screams in pain. Five seconds later, a man with an arrow stuck in his shoulder throws a bomb out of the window. Kirby, Link, and Zelda jump out of the way before it explodes.*

Zelda: Who threw that?! YOU'RE GOING TO THE DUNGEON FOR ASSAULT ON THE PRINCESS OF HYRULE!

*Link turns back to Kirby and nods his head, in agreement that he will teach Kirby how to Wall Jump. Link walks over to the wall, about to perform the wall jump to give Kirby an idea of how it's done. Just as Link is about to jump, the sky turns red. Kakariko Village is on fire, the Market Place is being over run with Re-Dead, Volvagia is resurrected and holding Gorons hostage, Morphia is back and is draining Hyrule of all of it's water, Gannon is destroying parts of Hyrule castle, and the hold between dimensions have given way, and Hyrule and Termina are combining into Termyrule. Link unsheathes the Master Sword and runs towards all of the trouble.*

Kirby: Wait! Link! Teach me how to wall jump before you leave! Please?

Zelda: He's too far to hear you...

*Just then, a idea pops into Kirby's head. Zelda is Sheik, Sheik is fast and should know how to wall jump.*

Kirby: Zelda, could you turn into Sheik and teach me how to wall jump?

Zelda: Sheik? Who is Sheik? *A sweat drop starts to make it's way down Zelda's head.*

Kirby: Come one, Zelda. Everyone knows you're Shiek! We know you transform and change your gender-

Zelda: Change gender? Who the hell said that!?

Kirby: Yoshi said it, he also said you have artificial breasts and-

Zelda: His arse will be kicked soon!

Kirby: What about wall jumping?

Zelda: After I kick Yoshi's arse! Take me to Yoshi Island!

Kirby: Well, okay...

*Kirby's star swoops down. He and Zelda hop on and begin to fly out of Hyrule. They both look back at the mayhem, but a flash fills Hyrule. Link just put on the Fierce Deity Mask! Kirby and Zelda know that Link is about to kick some arse, and head to Yoshi Island.*

Chapter 4: Showdown on Yoshi Island

*Kirby and Zelda arrive at Yoshi's Island. Kirby is about to land the star, but Zelda demands that they find Yoshi first. They search for at least 5 minutes, and find Yoshi picking fruit in a forest. Yoshi looks up as Kirby and Zelda land right in front of him.*

Zelda: Yoshiii! You've got some s'plaining to do!

Yoshi: Hello Zelda, Kirby.

Kirby: Hi Yosh-

Zelda: Don't play innocent. I've heard the rumors you've been spreading about me changing my gender and having artificial breasts.

Yoshi: You're right Zelda, and I'm sorry I said you have artificial breasts...

Zelda: Apology accepted-

Yoshi: Because you don't have a chest anyway!

Zelda: If you don't...

Yoshi: Okay, Zelda. Seriously, I'm also sorry I said you change your gender when you transform...

Zelda: That's more like it.

Yoshi: ...because you don't have a gender to change!

Kirby: You're genderless!?

Zelda: Shut up Kirby! Can't you see he is lying?

Kirby: Oh...

Yoshi: What are you going to do? Get your cel-shaded boyfriend on me!

*Zelda has been pushed beyond her limits. She slaps Yoshi right across the face, leaving a red imprint on his green face. Yoshi, angered by Zelda's actions, lashes his tongue out and wraps it around Zelda. He starts to drag her towards him, and she pulls back. Kirby tries to break the fight up but Yoshi pushes him away. Zelda stops pulling back. She makes a scream that echo's across all of Yoshi's Island. She starts to float off the ground and emit a white light. She is transforming into Shiek. Yoshi's tongue is flung back at him, and thwacks him upside the head from the force of the transformation. Yoshi, embarrassed, tries to act like nothing happened. Zelda's transformation into Sheik is now complete. Sheik gives a quick kick to Yoshi's head to show of her fighting skills.*

Sheik: I just couldn't wait until SSB:M was released to kick your arse!

Yoshi: The only arse that will get kicked is yours!

Kirby: Guys, please stop fighting. Please?

*Sheik and Yoshi ignore Kirby. Yoshi charges forward and performs one of his new moves being incorporated into SSB:M. He covers Shiek's upper body with his mouth, and starts chewing on her. Shiek pulls out a dagger and stabs an inner portion of Yoshi's mouth. Yoshi squeals in pain while Shiek escapes his mouth. Before the battle can continue any farther, a Nova Bomb takes out a portion of Yoshi Island. Yoshi, Kirby, and Shiek look up in the air to find Fox in his Arwing. Fox gets on his speaker and speaks...*

Fox: I'm going to kill you punk!

Kirby: Why?

Fox: Because you know my secret and will tell General Pepper that I'm an alcoholic. I will not be kicked off of my own team!

Kirby: Well, you should have thought of that before you became an alcoholic.

Fox: Shut up, Punk!

Sheik: You're an alcoholic? That is a definite surprise.

Fox: Damn it! Now everyone knows! The three of you will die for knowing what I did last summer!

Sheik: We don't know what you did last summer. All we know is that you are an alcoholic.

Fox: Shut up, wench!

Sheik: Wench? WENCH?!

Kirby: Could someone please tell me what a wench is?!

*Sheik has been angered by Fox's comment. She launches three daggers at his Arwing. Fox dodges the daggers, swoops down and makes a Laser assault upon Sheik, Kirby, and Yoshi. Sheik jumps on top of the Arwing as it swoops back up into the air. Yoshi is about to launch an egg at the Arwing, but Kirby taps him.*

Kirby: Would you teach me how to wall jump?

Yoshi: Sure I would...IF I KNEW HOW TO GODDAMN FREAKING WALL JUMP!

Kirby: You don't have to be mean about it...

Yoshi: Aww, the wittle baby doesn't like people yelling at him?

Kirby: Stop it!

Yoshi: Aww, the itty witty wittle baby wants the big bad Yoshi to stop messing with him?

*Sheik has pried open the hatch to the cockpit of Fox's Arwing. She grasps him by his neck collar and pulls him halfway out of his seat. She pulls out a dagger and tries to slit his throat. Fox is trying to keep Shiek's hand from getting too close, or he will lose his head.*

Yoshi: Do you want your bottle now?

Kirby: Shut up you green piece of <censored>!

*Suddenly, it feels like everything in the world has stop, and drawn it's attention to Kirby. Shiek stops and stares at Kirby, even though her dagger is one inch away from Fox's neck. Fox has stopped as well to stare at Kirby and has totally forgotten about the dagger that is about to behead him. Yoshi's jaw drops. He wasn't expecting this reaction from Kirby. Kirby quickly covers his mouth once he realizes the word that has just come out of his mouth. "Saint Kirby", the one who doesn't approve of alcohol, having sex with people you've only known for 45 minutes, and using profanity, has cursed himself. Everyone is still staring at Kirby. Suddenly, Fox makes a yelp. The Arwing is running out of fuel and is plummeting to the ground. Sheik jumps off and lands in a tree. Fox purposely lands the Arwing on Yoshi. Kirby is shocked by the violence shown by Fox. Fox digs into his Arwing and pulls out the very Shotgun he was chasing Kirby with earlier. Kirby takes off into the Forest and Fox chases after him. Kirby hides behind a tree and knows he has to retaliate. Fox begins to walk around the tree that Kirby is hiding behind. Kirby quickly uses his stone power to turn into a stone and blend in with the natural habitat. Fox walks right by the stone that is Kirby. Kirby reverts back to his normal form and pulls out a cutter in preparation to attack Fox. Kirby leaps into the air and Fox's ears pick up the sound of Kirby leaping. He quickly turns around and fires at Kirby, but he misses. Kirby swings the cutter at Fox, and Fox tries to dodge. Kirby misses Fox, but managed to slice the shotgun to pieces. Kirby runs out of the forest while Fox tries to put together what was once his shotgun. Kirby spots Yoshi, who is pulling himself out from under the crashed Arwing but had only managed to pull himself half way out. Fox is now too angry to care about his shotgun anymore, and starts to run out of the forest, screaming. Kirby has never managed to get someone that angry at him before, and he doesn't like the feeling of being someone's target. Kirby starts to turn around, to run away from the approaching Fox. Fox shows off his newest move, Fox Illusion, and zips right in front of Kirby. Kirby is too shocked to react. Fox picks Kirby up off of the ground and begins to beat on him mercilessly. Kirby starts to lose consciousness. Fox stops beating on Kirby. Kirby, bewildered, manages to look up. Fox drops Kirby to the ground and grabs his left shoulder, which is bleeding. A few feet back stands Shiek.*

Shiek: We never finished our fight.

Fox: You'll get your fight, wench.

*Kirby, wanting to ask what a wench was again, finds this as his opportunity to escape. His star comes flying down, and he hops on it. Fox turns around in surprise. Sheik uses this to her advantage and pimp slaps Fox in the back of his head. The star flies further and further away from Yoshi Island. Kirby makes a sigh of relief, and thinks of another person that could teach him how to wall jump. The next person to pop in his mind is Samus Aran. Thankfully, she has no reason to kill him.*

[ClaudeLv250]

Chapter 5: Wall Jumping On Zebes

*Kirby is riding on his star to where he thinks Samus would be: Zebes. Kirby lands on the surface of Zebes and sees Samus' ship. He peeks in, but no one is inside. He figures Samus must be inside of the planet. He makes his way down under the surface of Zebes and wanders into Brinstar. He sees a big hole and looks down it. It's too deep for him to see the bottom. He turns around and walks away from the hole into he hears a few grunts. He turns around to find Samus standing right in front of him.*

Kirby: How did you get up that hole?

Samus: I wall jumped. And what are you doing here?

Kirby: I need you to teach me how to wall jump!

Samus: You came all the way over here to learn how to wall jump?

Kirby: Well, I've tried to get a few others to teach me, but I just can't get lucky enough to get taught how to do it.

Samus: Watch out!

Kirby: Huh?

*Kirby sees a shadow cover his body as Samus' points her blaster straight at him. Kirby turns around to find a Metroid hovering above him, and it looks hungry for someone's energy. The Metroid wails, and swoops down at Kirby. Kirby jumps to the ground and fortunately, out of the Metroid's grasp. Samus charges up her blaster and unleashes a fully charged Plasma Beam, which does no damage to the Metroid. Samus was so busy talking to Kirby that she forgot to enable her Ice Beam! The Metroid wails again, and heads straight for Samus. Samus switches the Ice Beam to "ON" and blasts the Metroid with a Plasma Ice beam. The Metroid's body is completely frozen, but is still levitating. Samus switches on her Missiles and fires a barrage of five. The Metroid is blown to pieces, and some of the Metroid's guts splash on Kirby. Kirby is disgusted by the sight and quickly tries to clean himself when he stops and gets a gruesome image played in his head of Samus blasting him to pieces and his guts flying on a nearby fighter during the Super Smash Brothers Melee Tournament. Kirby and Samus return to the area where Samus' ship is parked (damn, I want a ship to park).*

Kirby: Are you really going to teach me how to wall jump?

Samus: Why wouldn't I?

Kirby: Ummm, I haven't had the best of luck trying to learn this technique.

Samus: Pay attention, I'm about to perform it.

*Samus walks over to a large chunk of rock, and jumps straight at it. Kirby is about to close hiss eyes, because he thinks Samus is going to smack against the rock. While in mid-air, Samus quickly turns her body opposite of the rock, and points her legs in it's direction. Her legs have landed n the rock and she pushes her weight off of it, flying away from the rock. Samus does a flip, and lands on the ground. Kirby is shocked by how simple it looks. He thinks he could have probably taught himself in the time he tried to get others to teach him how to do it.*

Samus: Now, you try.

Kirby: Peace of cake!

*Kirby runs straight at the large rock, jumps into the air and aims his feet at the rock. He pushes his weight away from the rock too hard, spins at least five times, and smacks into the ground head first. Kirby just realize that it isn't as easy as it looks. Fifteen minutes later, Kirby is red with anger and is kicking the large rock because he can't get the wall jump done correctly. Samus is sitting on top of her ship, shaking her head. A sparkle appears in the sky, and Samus looks up*

Samus: Kirby! Get in the ship.

Kirby: Huh? What's wrong now?

Samus: Get in the damn ship now!

*Without anymore questions, Kirby hops into the ship right after Samus. Samus quickly hit's the "Launch" button, and the ship shoots into the sky. Kirby looks out of the side of the cockpit, and sees a sparkle fly past them and hit the ground. A gigantic explosion destroys the area Kirby and Samus were just on. Kirby sees a spacecraft of some sorts, and points at it.*

Kirby: Samus! Look!

*Samus quickly but gently pushes Kirby aside, and looks at the spacecraft Kirby was pointing at. It is too far for them to identify with their own eyes. Samus runs back to the controls of the cockpit.*

Samus: Computer, identify spacecraft!

Computer: SCANNING...SCANNING...SPACECRAFT FOUND. SPACECRAFT IDENTIFIED AS ARWING
.
Kirby: ...Arwing?

*Samus and Kirby look back out of the side of the cockpit and can tell that it's an Arwing with their own eyes now. In fact, it's so close that they can identify the pilot: Fox McCloud.*

Chapter 6: Fight of Flight

*Samus gets on the communicator on the control panel. A transparent window appears in the cockpit with Fox's face on it, and he doesn't look happy.*

Samus: Fox, why are you firing upon us?

Fox: It's the punk that I want, not you.

Kirby: What happened to Shiek?!

Fox: Let's just say...he got what he deserved.

Kirby: She!

Fox: He, she, it. Whatever it is, I'm finish with it.

Kirby: How did you fix your Arwing?

Fox: Oh, this isn't mine.

*Fox points at a label that says "Falco".*

Kirby: No wonder he isn't too fond of you...

Samus: What do you want with Kirby? Whatever he did wrong, he will be brought to justice.

Kirby: But I didn't do anything wrong...

*Kirby makes big, watery puppy dog eyes at Samus, trying to convince her that he didn't do anything wrong.*

Kirby: I just wanted him to teach me how to wall jump.

Fox: You know that I'm an alcoholic and will spread my secret like wildfire!

Computer: MESSAGE, RECORDED.

Fox: W-What?! You recorded that?!

Samus: I didn't, my computer just thought the conversation was interesting and decided to record it for safe keepings. *Samus smiles behind the visor.*

Fox: Then I will have to kill you and the punk, wench!

Samus: Look, you dirty animal. I've conquered threats five times more dangerous than you.

Fox: Fawk you!

Samus: Fawk you too!

Fox: That suit doesn't make you any less of a wench, you know.

Kirby: Could someone please tell me what a wench is?!

Samus: Kirby, prepare for battle!

*Right after Samus finishes her sentence, Fox releases a barrage of lasers upon Samus ship. The force of the lasers knock Samus off of her feet, and Kirby jumps to the floor. Only minor damage was done to Samus ship, and Fox knows it will take a blaster upgrade to do a good amount of damage. Samus runs back up to the controls and pushes the "Fire" button. Two spheres of energy are hurled from Samus' ship at Fox's Arwing. Fox easily dodges the spheres with his Arwing. Samus knows now that the spheres move to slow to hit the Arwing.*

Samus: Computer, suggestions on battle strategies.

Computer: SELF-COMBAT

Samus: Hmmm...Kirby, copy my power.

Kirby: ...are you sure?

Samus: Hurry up!

*Kirby sucks Samus into him, tastes her and instantly copies her power, the charged shot, and spits her back out. Samus runs over to the control panel, and hits "Auto-pilot: Defense Mode". Samus and Kirby climb out on top of the ship, and aim carefully at the Arwing. Fox thinks Samus has gone insane, until two charged shots hit his Arwing. His Arwing begins to smoke, but isn't out of commission yet. Fox, angry, launches another barrage of lasers on Samus' ship. Samus gets another charged shot out before the lasers hit. On impact, Kirby and Samus tumble off of the ship. Samus manages to grab onto the ship, but Kirby falls off. The charged shot makes a direct hit on the Arwings engine, and it starts to plummet towards the surface of Zebes. Samus jumps into her ship and takes control of it again. She dives the ship down towards Kirby and is at the same level as Kirby and the plummeting Arwing. Kirby is closer to the Arwing but can almost grab onto Samus' ship. There is only one thing left to do: Wall jump off of the Arwing and onto Samus' ship. Kirby know it, Samus knows it, and Fox knows it too.*

[ClaudeLv250]

Chapter 7: Doin' the Wall Jump

*Kirby is falling towards the surface of Zebes. The damaged Arwing is close by. Fox knows Kirby is going to try to wall jump, and tries to steer the plummeting Arwing away from him. Kirby manages to reach the Arwing. Kirby pushes his weight off of the Arwing...and successfully wall jumps! He is headed straight for Samus ship, but can't reach it all the way. Samus lowers the ship under him and Kirby lands on the ship.*

Fox: I'm not going down like this, punk!

*Fox jumps out of his Arwing and Fire Fox's his way onto Samus' ship. Samus' ship lands on the ground and Samus flips out of the hatch to find Fox on top of the ship with Kirby. The Arwing crashes into the ground, but is not totally destroyed.*

Samus: Who invited the dirty animal?

Fox: Welcome back, wench.

Samus: Don't you have obedience school or a class for alcoholics to attain?

Fox: Fawk you.

Samus: Fawk you too.

Fox: One on one, wench.

Samus: Bring it on, dirty animal.

Fox: You will get the same arse kicking as Shriek did.

Kirby: Shiek!

Fox: Whatever.

*Samus jumps off of her ships, and flexes her body. She practices her targeting by shooting a nearby rock. Fox purposely kicks Kirby off of Samus' ship, and jumps off himself. Samus and Fox are ready for battle.*

Samus: Are you sure you can handle this?

Fox: I handle wenches everyday.

Kirby:*mumbling*

Samus: Oh, Fawk you.

Fox: No, Fawk you.

Kirby: I'm not usually fond of fights, but is this an argument or hand to hand combat?!

Fox: I'm going to kick your arse next.

Samus: Prepare for combat!

*Fox and Samus charge at each other, and begin to hit each other wildly. A punch, a kick, a slap, a kick to the crotch...and Fox drops! Kirby turns his head because the kick looked like it hurt really bad.*

Fox: Wench...giving low...blows.

Samus: Can't handle it? I was sure many women kicked you there to the point of where you've developed an immunity to being kicked in the crotch. *Samus smiles behind her visor*

Fox: Shut...up...

*Fox stands back up and gets in a charging position. Samus knows what he's going to do next: The Fox Illusion. Fox dashes forward at lightening speed, Samus jumps over him but Fox jumps straight into the hatch of Samus' ship. Samus follows after him. Kirby is at the edge of his seat and falls over. Samus enters her ship and looks around. It appears to be empty, until she feels a sharp pain in her back and falls over, unconscious. Fox hit her in the back with a metal pole. Fox runs over to the cockpit and hits the launch button. The ship begins to rumble and Fox jumps out of the hatch right before it shoots into the sky and into space.*

Fox: It's just you and me, punk. No one left to interfere. Ready for a serious arse kicking?

Kirby: I don't understand, me knowing your secret is no reason for me to die.

Fox: Shut up and fight!

*Fox kicks Kirby into a large rock. Kirby has quick flashbacks of Fox almost beating him to death on Yoshi Island and becomes frightened.*

Fox: You know, your dead body may be of some use to me. Maybe a pillow. Or I could sell it for some cash. How would you like to be sold, punk?

Kirby: Stay back!

Fox: Fawk you then.

*Fox kicks and stomps Kirby several times, and picks up the lifeless body*

Fox: Hmmm...I wonder how I should kill you...

*Kirby manages to open his eyes and see Fox examining his body. Kirby knows that he will be dead if he doesn't do anything soon. He bites Fox's nose. Fox drops Kirby to the ground and grabs his nose.*

Fox: You little punk!

*Kirby tries to run, but Fox grabs him.*

Kirby: Why do I have to die?!

Fox: You brought his upon yourself. You said you were going to tell my secret. I must prevent that from happening.

Kirby: I was only joking! I just wanted to teach me how to wall jump!

Fox: I don't buy that crap.

Kirby: Well...maybe you will buy this!

*Out of thin air, Kirby pulls out his hammer and smashes Fox's head with it. Fox stumbles backwards. Fox is now burning with rage and runs over to the crashed Arwing. He looks inside and finds his good old shotgun he was planning on killing Kirby with earlier. He managed to put it back together. Kirby charges Fox and hits him with the hammer five times. Fox is almost ready to fall over but tries to aim at Kirby. Kirby turns into a stone and Fox fires at him, doing no damage. Fox waits for Kirby to revert to his normal form so he can bust a cap in his arse. A sparkle appears in the sky and two orbs of energy crash by Fox and Kirby. Fox is knocked off of his feet and his shotgun slides far away from him. The sparkle becomes a form and it lands in front of Fox and Kirby, who has reverted back to his normal form. It's Samus ship. The hatch opens and Samus, Shiek, Link, and Yoshi hop out, with angry looks on their faces.*



Chapter 8: Old Faces Return for the Final Beat Down

*Samus, Shiek, Link, and Yoshi hop off of Samus ship. Fox stands up and does not look happy. A smile fills Kirby's face.*

Kirby: Shiek! I thought Fox finished you! He said you got what you deserved.

Shiek: I did get what I deserved, which was the enjoyment of kicking his arse. He fled saying that he had more important things to do. *A sweat drop appears on the side of Fox's head*

Kirby: Yoshi! I thought you were stuck under that Arwing!

Yoshi: I have my ways of getting out of those types of situations. *A proud look covers his face*

Shiek: I lifted the damn thing off of him. *The proud look vanishes from Yoshi's face and Kirby laughs*.

Kirby: ahem...Link, what about Hyrule?

Link: ... *Link holds up five fingers indicating that as Oni-Link, he wiped out the opposing forces in five seconds.*

Fox: You had to get help, wench. What's wrong? Can't get your arse kicked by yourself?

Samus: Since you like to play dirty once you start getting your arse kicked, I figured I'd bring several people to kick your arse. Let's see how you play dirty against four fighters...

Kirby: Five!

*Kirby readies his hammer and gives Fox a serious look.*

Fox: Fawk you then.

Samus: Fawk you too.

Fox: FAWK YOU!

Samus: FAWK YOU TOO!

Shiek: Fawk the both of you.

Fox: Fawk you and your cel-shaded boyfriend.

Shiek: Idiot, haven't you realized that he's not cel-shaded yet?

Fox: ...Fawk off, all of you!

Yoshi: Fawk your mother!

Fox: Mother Fawker!

*Link sticks up his middle finger at Fox*

Kirby: Could everyone please shut the Fawk up?! We need to get this fight started because this chapter is going to end soon!

Announcer: Fighters, get ready!

Shiek: Where did that voice come from?

Yoshi: No! It's that announcer from the game.

Announcer: Get on you fawking mark. Get Fawking set. Fawking go!

*Fox is looks around as he is surrounded by fighters. Five, to be exact. Yoshi throws an egg and literally rocks Fox in the head. Fox pulls out his blaster and starts shooting at Yoshi. Yoshi tries to evade the shots but can't do it for to long. Before Fox can react, he is rocked again, this time by a missile. Fox flies into a nearby wall. He stands back up, only to be jumped on by Kirby. Kirby knocks Fox back on the ground and begins stomping him, suplex style. Fox grabs Kirby's foot and slings him off. Shiek throws daggers at Fox, but he reflects them back. Shiek ducks under her own daggers. Yoshi has now enclosed himself in an egg and rolls straight at Fox. Fox jumps into the air but up comes Samus doing the Screw attack. Fox is literally screwed and slams into the wall again. Before Fox can fall he is hit by Links sword spin and flies up into the air again. Shiek takes her whip and slings it forward. It wraps around Fox and Shiek flings it backwards, slamming Fox into the ground. Fox sits up and sees Kirby standing in front of him.*

Kirby: Time for you to feel the pain that I did.

Fox: Punk...

*Kirby smashes Fox upside the head with his hammer and Fox falls over, unconscious. Kirby and company begin to celebrate.*

Yoshi: Dude, I rock.

*Shiek slaps Yoshi*

Shiek: You didn't do much. And that phrase is annoying.

Yoshi: Neither did your soon to be cel-shaded boyfriend.

*Shiek raises her hand, ready to slap Yoshi in anger. Yoshi scrounges up in defense against Shiek's slap but Link puts Shiek's hand down and Yoshi sighs. Link unexpectedly slaps Yoshi for Shiek, and another red hand print appears across Yoshi's green face.*

Samus: Shiek, give me your whip.

Shiek: Here.

Kirby: What are you going to do?

Samus: I was going to tie him up with it! What did you think?

*Everyone stares at Samus for a few seconds, and goes back to celebrating. Samus ties up the knocked out Fox.*

Kirby: So...what are we gonna do now? I know how to wall jump now, so there's nothing left to do but get in shape for the Super Smash Brothers Melee Tournament.

Samus: Fox has given us all a piece of hell. I say we all give him that piece of hell back by delivering him to General Pepper AND exposing his secret.

Yoshi: Yeah!

Kirby: Isn't that a little...mean?

Everyone: NO! *Even Link shakes his head in reply to Kirby's question.*

Yoshi: Off, to Corneria!

*Samus drags the tied up, knocked out Fox into her ship and the others follow her.*

[ClaudeLv250]

Chapter 9: The Escape

Samus ship is on it's way to Corneria. Everyone is looking out of the cockpit windows and notices that they are flying over Mute City. A building has fallen over and they see Captain Falcon, his vehicle smash up against where the fallen building once stood, and an officer writing up tickets. C. Falcon looks up and waves at Samus' ship, and everyone waves back. Everyone spreads out over Samus' ship and waits for their arrival at Corneria.*

Samus: Kirby, go check on the bastard.

Kirby: Bastard? Who's that?

Samus: Fox!

Kirby: Oh...do I have to go in there alone?

Samus: No, Link, you go in there with him.

Link: ...

*Kirby and Link walk into the backroom of the ship. Fox is woke and restless. He is still tied up in Shiek's whip.*

Fox: Fawkers! Free me!

Kirby: No one's going to let you out if you keep screaming like that.

Fox: Fawk you.

Kirby: *sigh*

Fox: Where is my fawking blaster?

Kirby: I think Samus took it.

Fox: Did the wench take anything else?

Kirby: No, why?

*Fox smirks and tries to reach into his pocket. He grabs something and begins to emit a blue aura. It's his deflector shield. The force of the shield flings the whip off of him. The flying whip smacks Link across the face, knocking him down. Fox runs out of the room and opens the hatch. Shiek, Samus, and Yoshi turn around in surprise as Fox jumps out of the ship and on top of it. Fox looks down and realizes that they are flying through the Mushroom kingdom and aren't too far off the ground. He jumps and rolls across the ground. Samus immediately lands the ship nearby and Fox speeds off over the plains. Samus, Kirby, Shiek, Yoshi, and Link hop out of the ship and follow the trail Fox sped off on. Fox finds a large rock and rests on the side of it. He searches his pockets to see if he had anything else left. Nothing but his deflector shield and a small bottle of Gin. He starts to hear noises on the other side of the rock and peeks around. Bowser is leaning on the other side of the rock and not too far from him, the naked Peach who has seem to have gone through so much sexual abuse that she can't even move. Bowser has a large smile on his face that no one has EVER seen before.*

Bowser: I feel twenty years younger.

Peach: ...

Fox: What the Fawk happened here?

Bowser: Wha? Give us some privacy! Can't you mind your own damn business!?

Fox: Now I understand...Fawk you horn dog!

Bowser: *standing up* Say that in my face.

Fox: *Looking up at the large Bowser* I would but you might rape me...

Bowser: No, I'm going to eat you arse hole. I never liked you to begin with.

*Fox and Bowser engage in a chaotic battle. Bowser begins banging on Fox's head until Fox Firefoxed him into the rock. Fox then kicks Bowser rapidly in the stomach. Bowser blows fire at Fox and Fox jumps back to avoid the flames. He reaches down to his pocket and pulls his hands up and quickly shoots a Bowser. He then realizes that he didn't have his blaster to begin with. He then feels sudden pressure around his body as Bowser grabs and squeezes him.*

Fox: Let go, Fawker!

Bowser: I said I was going to eat you, and I will! I like my food well done, but I'm too hungry to fry you! I'll probably like you raw anyway.

*Just over a nearby hill, Samus, Shiek, Kirby, Yoshi, and Link reach the top and look down. They see Fox in Bowser's grip and the naked Peach, but don't know what exactly is going on. They begin walking down the hill until they hear a hissing noise. They all look up as a bob-bomb falls from the sky and lands right in between while witnessing a large object fly out of view. The bob-bomb explodes before anyone can react, and everyone is at least blown fifty feet away in different directions. Bowser turns around to look at what the noise was but decides that he should start eating. He starts to shove Fox's head into his mouth in an attempt to bite it off...*



Chapter 10: A Strange Conclusion

*Fox's head is in Bowser's mouth completely, and is about to be bitten off if he didn't do anything quickly. Bowser's tongue stats to wraps itself around Fox's head, tasting him. Bowser is pleased by Fox's taste, and decides to go for the bite. Fox searches his pockets with his hands frantically and feels something: His bottle of Gin. Fox would hate for a bottle of Gin to go to waste, but he knows what he has to do. He thwacks Bowser upside the head with it, breaking it to pieces. Bowser drops Fox, and stumbles over. Fox puts his foot on top of Bowser, looking triumphant until he hears a hissing sound. He looks up to find a bob-bomb falling straight at him. He jumps off of Bowser and begins to run. The Bob-bomb lands on Bowser, and explodes. Bowser is burned to a crisp, and Fox is blown off of his feet. Fox looks back up into the sky at the dark figure to find out that it's Mario in a blimp.*

Fox: You Fawker! What do you think you are doing?!

Mario: Shut up-a Fox!

*Mario throws another Bob-bomb at Fox and starts laughing. The blimp begins to lower down. Mario turns to the inside of the blimp towards a small room. Luigi is in it and has a large ball and chain on his foot. His clothes are dirty, torn, and old. The room is full of Motion sensor bombs and Luigi has a shovel with a large pile of coal and a furnace near him.*

Mario: Keep it-a at ground level.

Luigi: Can I stop soon...you said you would give me that piece of cheese for lunch five hours ago...

Mario: Well I ate it-a!

Luigi: Why do you abuse me this way?

Mario: Because you are stupid-a! You are stupid-a and ugly! You are stupid-a, ugly, and worthless.

*Mario jumps out of the blimp and runs to the naked Peach.*

Peach: Mario...help...rape...shell...wall...jump...story. ..Claude...insane....sadistic...

Mario: Come on-a Peach! Speak-a clearly!

Peach: Can't you see that I have been raped by Bowser as amusement by a guy named ClaudeLv250 all in a crazy, insane, sadistic and twisted world of Super Smash Brothers created by him?!

Mario: ...

*Mario gives Peach a blank stare, then grabs her and jumps back into the blimp.*

Mario: Luigi, bring it up-a! And while you're at it, nit Peach some clothes-a and fix me some dinner!

Luigi: But...I can't do all that at once...

Peach: Luigi, do what your, unlike you, handsome, smart, and brave brother tells you to do!

*Mario and Peach laugh evilly which turns into screams of horror. Luigi gets a determined look on his face which and purposely steps on a motion sensor bomb. The explosion cause a chain reaction of explosions from the other motion sensor bombs and Mario's stash of Bob-bombs that destroys the blimp. Mario, Peach, and Luigi fly into the sunset of the Mushroom Kingdom.*

Fox: ...

*Kirby and company have recovered from the bob-bomb attacks and have spotted Fox. Samus quietly aims, and fires an Ice Beam, freezing Fox. They drag the frozen Fox back onto Samus' ship and stick him in the fridge. They finally arrive in Corneria and spot the Great Fox floating over the city, watching it. Samus' ship is cleared for landing. They unfreeze and tie him up again. They hop out of the ship and drag him down the Hallway and to General Peppers room. Peppy Hare is drinking coffee and spits it out, all over the wall, as he watches Fox get dragged down the hallway by a bunch of strange looking people. Samus kicks open the door. Falco and Slippy are talking to General Pepper.*

Slippy: Fox is getting out of hand. He called me a Fawker for telling him that his jacket was on backwards.

Falco: He took my Arwing earlier today. I haven't seen him sense then. Every time he takes my Arwing, it comes back with dents, scratches, and sometimes little aliens splattered on the glass. By the way, have you ever thought of making me the leader of this team?

Shiek: AHEM!

G.Pepper: I see we have company...

Yoshi: Animal general dog thing, we have your Fox.

*Peppy runs into the room and looks around at everyone.*

G.Pepper: Why do you have Fox tied up?

Samus: We have some important info that will effect Fox's flying career forever.

*Falco smirks at the idea of Fox's flying career being totally destroy. Fox knows why Falco is smirking and frowns at him.*

Fox: Stupid Fawker...

Falco: Fox, where is my Arwing?

Fox: Demolished, somewhere on Zebes.

Falco: Aargh!

*Fox smirks back at Falco, who is angry and frustrated.*

Samus: How should I tell you...

Link: ...

Kirby: It's plain and simple. Fox is an alcoholic. Drinks and is proud of it. He was even trying to kill me for knowing his secret. He's evil I tell you! Evil! <God, that felt good to get off my chest.>

Shiek: That's pretty much it.

G.Pepper: Fox...drinks?

Peppy: ...

*A big sweat drop starts to make it's way down Fox's head.*

G.Pepper: That's news...because.....we all drink and are proud of it!

*General Pepper, Peppy, Slippy, and Falco pull out large bottles of Gin and open them. Slippy unties Fox and gives him a bottle of Gin.*

G.Pepper: Drink up, everyone!

*Fox, Falco, Peppy, G.Pepper, and Slippy all start to drink the Gin.*

Kirby: but...but...

Yoshi: The hell?

Shiek: Oh...my damn!

Samus: Everyone appears to be drunk now...

Kirby: But...Fox tried to kill me! Aren't you going to do something about that?!

G.Pepper: He tried to kill you? Haha, what the hell ARE you anyway?!

Peppy: It's unidentified! Kill it! Haha.

*Slippy sneaks up behind Shiek, and slaps her butt. Shiek pulls out a dagger and holds it up to his neck.*

Shiek: Touch me again and die.

Slippy: I won't, you have no butt to slap!

*Link pulls out the Master Sword and points it at Slippy. Slippy falls over on the floor, laughing.*

Yoshi: I wonder how he was sure that you were female.

Shiek: Yoshi...*slap*

Yoshi: Ouch!

Samus: Let's get out of this hell hole.

Fox: Yes, Fawkers. Run! I told you not to Fawk with me and look what happened to your arses!

*The five start running down the hallway, trying to get as far way from the hell hole as possible.*

Falco: Since Fox was actually caught drinking, he should be kicked off the team.

Fox: Shut up Fawker!

*Kirby accidentally bumps into a familiar female fox*

Kirby: Oh, sorry.

Female Fox: Hey, don't I know you?

Kirby: Um, I think, but who are you?

Female Fox: I'm the grand daughter of General Pepper.

Kirby: Oh...

Female Fox: Oh, I thought I saw you before but I guess we've never met before. Sorry. Well, bye.

*The Female Fox walks down the hall way and Kirby looks back into General Pepper's office. Slippy is still rolling on the floor, laughing but Fox is giving Kirby an evil look. Kirby's memory kicks in as he remembers going to Fox's house and seeing that same Female Fox there. Kirby definitely knows that General Pepper has no idea that Fox slept with his grand daughter. Kirby has more dirt on Fox, but the way General Pepper and Company reacted to the drinking he wouldn't take the chance of letting this one out...yet. Kirby runs back down the hallway an catches up with Samus, Shiek, Link, and Yoshi.*

Samus: What were you doing?

Kirby: Oh, nothing.

*Slap*

Yoshi: Ouch!

Shiek: I AM NOT GENDERLESS!

*The five hop into Samus' ship and take off.*

Fox isn't trying to kill Kirby anymore.
Kirby knows how to wall jump.
Yoshi and Shiek are still at it.
Um...at least Peach was saved from Bowser.
There are so many more possibilities in this world of SSB I have created.
Keep your eye out for a sequel!



THE END